The day, our soul establishes its reign inside the physical body, we are introduced to the cobweb of blood relations. Right starting from our genetic donors that is our grand parents to the entire chain of relatives gets tattooed to our identity. Even if we don’t acknowledge the relation, the D.N.A always says aloud, ” we are relatives”!!.
Rest of the bonding appendages in the form of friends, whom we choose our self and share the most vital times of our journey. After all what is friendship, Is there any rule book as how two friend should treat each other, just like the blood connection we are taught about. Well, yes certainly there are few do’s and don’ts which any sensible mature person would consider in order to make it a life long association.
Another refreshment for those who tolerated my previous write ups, trying to explore another shade of life called “friend ship”.
Swimming in the pool of marriage is just a decade now, when I get time to gasp and breath I do realize how it made me shed off few layers of immaturity . I was old enough to marry but young enough to wait for few more years. The combination of pretty girl with an average mark sheet is most heartedly welcomed in India for marriage. Wearing a huge smile on my face with the wimps and fancies of the new relationship status, I dived into the deep water of marriage with no clue of its depth.
The new routine was absolutely incredulous from morning till night. The parantha’s got replaced by sizzling ” Omelet” in the pan, which supposedly were the most precious possession of the “hen” who laid it. The chapatti became delicacy and rice became the “king” and fish took the crown of “queen” of each meal. New leaves and curries also joined the menu, Nothing should be wasted from leaf to the root was, the new mantra of cooking.
Well, that’s just the eatery deviation, the main “break through point” begins with the cut, paste and reset of your habits, lifestyle and your behavior, Every thing is re-booted, till one reaches the tolerant level graded by the adopted family for the life time.
And that’s not all, the spouse gifts a “glut of new friends” supposedly their friends and now your friends absolutely free. So, from day one you take over the appointment with no induction as such. The cordial invitations of the dinners and cocktails follow, offering “dainty viands” by the new set of their family friends, where you feel like a “flower arrangement” kept on the center of the table at the receiving end of encomium.
The new comrade were introduced to me, few days before our marriage. The time when our anxieties, excitements and deadline ignored the 45 degree scorching heat and apprehensions of associates of both the sides. The plan of action got executed well, resulting both of us sitting in the ceremony making promises to each other with the core intention of moldings them in later times as in when required. After the rituals of marriage we both joined the league of the married people association, with the shiny sundry incidents waiting for us. The interesting married couple, who happened to be in the A class segment of family friends of my spouse family, were among the oldest friends. The gravity of their opinions and choices never missed the attention and acknowledgement.
The gentleman was from a small town of Bihar, with an average built and height of about 5’6″ whose age had starting reaping in, which was well displayed by the grey hair playing hide and seek inside the thick jungle of his moustaches, which marked his masculinity. Whereas the grey’s of the head were made to wore black layer of Godrej dye, making them advertise as proudly as the original black ones. With the tiny sharp eye’s carrying arc of thick eyebrows and smile which each time reflected the love marks of “Rajni Gandha Pan Masala” on his front fort of teeth. The small paunch was the mark of recent prosperity and contentment, with a whisper of “no workout”. The shoulders gasconaded branded checks with the coordinating trousers. When he spoke, the MTI ( mother tongue influence) of his mother land, enchanted his both Hindi and English, giving a feel of another addition to the ruckus of corporate world of Delhi. The lady was NRB ( Non Residential Bengali), with the school and college of Delhi. One of the few amulets who, got the best advantage when the IT industry in India came on Boom!! during late 90’s.
The child was the result of combination of late 30’s and early forty’s of the parents, as was well taken cared by the governess.
The days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months changed the calendar with the new set of holiday list. It was already three years now, with most of the weekends, Diwali parties, new years parties and short holiday trips solely dedicated to the company of these folks. Deep down my heart always longed for the comfort zone, which we always have with our peers, but each meeting lacked something. Moreover for me, it was the process of observing without any pre-conceived notion, the cob-webs of relation which was yet to reach its end knot.
The gentleman was vocal and the lady was with limited words. He would try to sound facetious and amiable most of the times. But, with due course the behavior slowly wrought up being impudent with pungent smell of arrogance and derision. The equation never changed forever since then. To the contrary we were as humble and courteous to them. It was little weird most of the time as he hardly missed to threw the scornful darts in the form of jocosity. Each time making us bewildered about his statements and behavior. It had reached the stage where humor had merged with the sarcasm, wherein the later the took over the entire sphere of former. The thoughts always bubbled up, saying, “this is not right and should be conveyed”. But, something always fettered us from bringing this matter up, we thought it would be boorish on our part.
A friend who is genuinely concerned of your good, would also be sensitive during downfalls of life. Human behavior is very funny, they even started intruding into our personnel lives, discussing our
equation within the family, to our financial map, to our professional lives and then making judgments and remarks. On the contrary we gave them ample space to breath in their own domain of family life. Each family, has its own story of its existence and survival from all highs and lows. No family is perfect, each one has few cracks which are plastered to heal and others which are already solidified turning the pillar of strength even stronger.
It is rightly said, ” Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing and your gratitude when you have everything.” To handle success is far more onerous than to sustain during the time of breakdown. Its very simple, failures show the path of struggle, hard work and faith. Once the desired ambitions are earned and one reaches another level of the hierarchy it gives tremendous charge to the self – esteem and self appreciation. There are very few, who still remain grounded and do not allow their achievements to ride on their head. But, if its other way round, where the politeness gets devoured by ego and pride. The outcome is exactly what we had to taste during this association.
Why, would anyone behave in such a way, I ended up having long detailed conversation with my husband,” Are they really our friends”, They always showed up during situations but we too, never failed to stand next to them during blues. So, does it mean, we are entitled to take all the nonsense and silly remarks. After all why would anyone do that ??? None of our other family friends, ever behaved in such a way, with others we would laugh and giggle on silly jokes, mock each other, discuss all sorts of problems without feeling a hitch of any discomfort
The reason could’ve be anything, ” starting from their cozy bedroom to their offices”. Our being humble, gave him a room to vent out his vexation, in result giving Orgasm!! to his ego.
So where to draw the line, should we confront as why most of the time, he is derisive or should we just shrug it off. Well, the same dilemma went through for the next two years.
Over the period of time, we both realized the friendship instead of enriching and growing had reached the stagnancy. One, incident gave the last push to the valley of separation. There were no confrontation or discussions. No telephonic calls or emails. Just silence.
Its been almost five years now. I still wonder, why we could not draw the line to the marks of derision and jeering behavior by snapping it off long back, what a waste of time. But, as the wise men said, ” every thing happens for a reason.” The taste of association gave a permanent print on our hearts, It showed us the non-acceptable mold in friendship.
The core intention is not to dis grace or deteriorate some one down, for the same reason the elaboration of incidents are evaded. The stress is to make right choices of friends too in life. Its nice to be friendly with everyone, but making actual friends is tough task as it takes lots of efforts, time and care to nurture it. On the social network sights, one can see list of hundreds of people in the friend list. I am sanguine to say, ” out of the entire list there would be handful which are in the immediate aura of our love and affection”. Friendship is not just meant for time pass or entertainment its much beyond that. Its very much similar to the blood relations, the only difference is that, the D.N.A bonding’s are gifted to us since the time we get into the womb and friends join us during the journey of life. But, one common factor is shared by both ” Mutual Respect”.
Some journey’s of friendship begin with bitterness followed by ups and downs, leading to reap in a matured association. And, on the other hand, in some the beginning is blurred with the sweetness of “actions and favors” till the time one realizes he/she is pirouetting as per the desires and moods of the so called friends.
There are some lessons in life, which are learned in one go, while the other’s take lot of conflict between your intellect and emotions…..
The maturity of a man is measured by how he treats others and not by his age, this completely fits into the inset of the situation we faced. The sub-conscious mind plays a huge role. There are many things, which we absorb un-consciously shaping up our thought process, personality and look out towards life and relations. Sitting with creative people will definitely trigger the imagination cells of yours, intellectual people will inspire you, successful people would give you a vision. On the other side people with pessimist approach can only enhance you to criticize self and family. The process is very slow, which we don’t realize eventually. Although the deep routed values and
conscience/intuition will always talk to you, but suppressing it can lead to huge blunders on the name of friendship which is truly pious.
The serenity is that, blunders leave perpetual marks as a reminder for the rest of your life.
To value your friendship at the same time valuing your own dignity has a thin line. Allow only those who respect your dignity too.